The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
