I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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