I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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