Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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