But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
that's an acceptable place to lick
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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