: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
