I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
