ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
