I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
