You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
