I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
