saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
