Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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