I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need water and some morals
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
