She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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