this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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