Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
