I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
