WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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