I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
