Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
