If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
