beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
