be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
