yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
