FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
