i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
