When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
