i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
