wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
