he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
