omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
