I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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