i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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