Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
