brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
