No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
