i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
