woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
