is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
