so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
