Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My vagina is officially offended.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
