4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
