Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
