I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
