Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
