My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
