GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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