There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
