I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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