You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
