he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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