She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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