so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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