people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i believe in u and ur pee
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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