Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ketchup is God's man juice
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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